I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im part way to drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
