I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
