Did you just see the Batmobile???
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
