it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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