yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
