Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
