Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
