Betty ford says i'm here all night
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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