Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
