I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
