if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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