I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
