when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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