I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize