dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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