i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
