I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
