Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
