That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
