I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
