It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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