I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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