Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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