Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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