I cannot find my penis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
