I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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