So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
