and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
