I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
