Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
