i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize