Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
