my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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