today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
