She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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