I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
