Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize