I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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