i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
