from now on my penis is your penis
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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