Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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