My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
