You made me cry and you don't even care
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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