I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
