Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize