Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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