We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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