I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
