So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
