he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
