My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
