shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
