talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
