You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
