I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
