what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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