it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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