my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
