you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
