It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
