I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
do nipples grow back?
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