hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
