can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
