the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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