i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
