ugly people sure do ruin things
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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