You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
