My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
